Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
