out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
