I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
