I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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