Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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