I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
