At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
