why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
