i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
