Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
