Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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