when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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