I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
