I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
