Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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