Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
