it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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