trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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