i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
