my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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