you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
