What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
