i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
