My brain says no but my pants say off.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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