Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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