dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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