no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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