if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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