I faked an abortion last night.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
