there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
