the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
