Your face is a jimmy john
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize