I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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