hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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