Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
