Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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