Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
