So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
