so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
