best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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