I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
