just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
