I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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