Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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