i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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