She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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