...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
