So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
