some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
