Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
