I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
