He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
