xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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