I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
