Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
