Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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