He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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