mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Randomize
