I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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