Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
