Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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