I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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