Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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