Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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