i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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