Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
