Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
