I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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