Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
