You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
