omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
