so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
