I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
