Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
