That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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