Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
