I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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