We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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