I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Drunk is not a location!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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