I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
