You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
