I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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