explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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