my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
